Health Update #4: "A Sentence of Death"

On Wednesday, August 4, six days away from my scheduled transplant surgery, I received a call from the University of Nebraska Medical Center (UNMC). The nagging doubts of the last couple weeks were coming true, as they informed me that my surgery date was cancelled. Hesitations over a test result caused the leadership team to reevaluate and ultimately cancel the surgery.

Now, the level-headed and logical mind might take solace in the fact that the surgery will most likely still happen, even within the next month. But suffering can beat down even the most level of heads and pick apart the most logical of minds. This is the third instance of a potential surgery time not coming to fruition. This time proved crushing to a weary man’s spirit.

To be honest with you all, yesterday was a dark, discouraging few hours. In the grand scheme of things, this may be only a blip on the timeline of my life, but sorrow is real and suffering hurts in the moment. Discouragement, disappointment, and disheartenment make a dangerous cocktail for the weary. Yesterday will be remembered as one of the lower moments in the nine-month journey my family has been traveling.

But in God’s intimate kindness, He often allows the valleys in order to meet us in our barest, rawest moments. This also proved to be true yesterday.

In 2 Corinthians 1, the Apostle Paul begins his letter to a chaotic church with an autobiographical exhortation to receive God’s comfort in trials. In verses 3-7, Paul uses the word “comfort” 10 times, explicitly communicating that God comforts those in trials for a purpose. We suffer in life with Christ, so we can be comforted in life with Christ.

He continues in verse 8 to hone in on his own story of affliction, specifically “the affliction we experienced in Asia.” Now, most commentators toss out ideas on what this affliction might be, but the reality is we do not know precisely what he means. It may be the riots and challenges in Ephesus (as recorded in Acts 19). It may be imprisonment and a potential impending death (as he often faced). Others argue that it may be a chronic illness that continually plagued Paul (as many think he discusses in 2 Corinthians 12).

For the Bible student, this ambiguity may provide great consternation; yet, for the suffering Christian this ambiguity may provide great comfort. Because we do not know what exactly Paul is speaking about, it allows a hurting man or woman to place him or herself appropriately into these moments of life. If you experience great affliction or despair, allow the following verses to be the words that are so often difficult to articulate during the most challenging moments.

Paul continues to speak of this time of great affliction, writing in verse 8, “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.” But wait, is this not the man who also penned, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)? How can a man who has the strength to endure all things also say that he was utterly burdened beyond his strength? So much so, in fact, that he despaired life itself.

These words provide comfort because life situations can often feel worse than they truly are in moments of suffering. Continual weariness and spiritual depression can take a toll so great on the human self that one tiny push can knock a person over. Even with all the strength of Christ, the burdens of afflictions can often feel too terrible to carry. This reality was most certainly true of myself yesterday.

In fact, I would concur with Paul’s next statement in verse 9, “Indeed, it felt like we had received the sentence of death.” Murray J. Harris, in his commentary on 2 Corinthians, writes that a chronic illness was considered an experience of death in Jewish thought. To consistently face an illness was regarded as facing death itself.

As I received the unfortunate news of a cancelled surgery, which correspondingly means prolonged pain, continued exhaustion, delayed recovery, and so forth, it seemed as if I received the sentence of death. Did this news mean that I am going to die without a transplant? No, but in the face of the affliction each blow feels like it may be the last one you can withstand.

So there I sat, confused, frustrated, discouraged, and despondent yesterday afternoon. The question that I can often fend off rather quickly lingered a bit longer on this day. Namely, “Why God, are you allowing this to happen again? Why do I have to continue in this season of suffering and death? Why, oh God?”

As only the gentlest of fathers can do, He answered me in the rest of verse 9, “But that [the afflictions and sentence of death] was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”

My God will ruthlessly eliminate anything in my life that tempts me toward self-reliance and self-sufficiency. He will cause the effects of death in me if they will produce reliance on the God of life.

I’ve had to come to terms with the reality that God does not often give us what is easiest in the moment but what is best in the long run. A surgery and recovery, it would appear, is the best thing I could receive from God at the moment. A sentence of death, it would appear, is the best thing I could receive from God in the long run.

How do I know this to be true? Because that is what happened, and our God does not give his children that which is not for their ultimate good. When God provides calamity and affliction, we receive it gladly knowing that He is causing us to rely more on the God of life. This truth is, as Paul states in verse 10, our great hope in affliction.

Therefore, friends and family, I ask as Paul asked, would you pray for me? “You also must help us by prayer” (v11). Would you help my family in this trying time by praying for us? Not only will your prayers be a source of comfort and encouragement to us, but Paul explains why our prayers are so beneficial at the end of verse 11: “So that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessings granted us through the prayers of many.”

Would you pray for a new surgery date ASAP?

Would you pray for my moments of discouragement to bear fruit of intimacy with God?

Would you pray for my despair to subside quickly?

Would you pray for my family to endure this season with our eyes on Jesus?

As God answers our prayers, would we all give thanks for the blessings He provides whenever and however He sees fit.

Andrew